Dear Aunty Pam: Every year my 50-year-old wife and my 25-year-old daughter go to a big Halloween party over at a friend’s house. They must get about 100 people to come and have prizes and things for the best costume. So every year my wife and daughter start figuring out what they’re going to wear this time of year and every year they end up trying to look as sexy as possible.

I asked my wife why she has to dress up like a cat or a slutty nurse, always with high heels and lots of makeup, and showing off her body instead of a funny costume, and she just laughs at me. This year, she and my daughter are going as members of the Olympic Women’s Volleyball Team and they’re wearing thongs. I can’t believe they’re going out in public like this, especially my wife who still has a good figure but she’s sagging in places, if you know what I mean, and she’s put on a few pounds.

What can I tell them to make them stop embarrassing themselves? I won’t go to these parties anymore because of it.


Embarrassed in Gaffney

Dear EG: I have to say that I have never understood thongs. Ever. Especially if you’re not a size 2. Let me be clear — this isn’t about fat shaming — Aunty Pam is simply astonished anyone would want to wear an article of underwear that requires a backhoe to remove.

I’m afraid, EG, there is nothing you can do to stop your wife and daughter from embarrassing themselves, especially as they don’t seem to be the least bit embarrassed. They’re adults, after all. Perhaps the more the merrier, you know. Just for fun, why not join them this Halloween and wear nothing but a Kudzu leaf and go as Adam?

Just pray your car doesn’t break down.

Cheers, dear!

Aunty Pam

Comedian Pam Stone can be reached at