As a comedian, I get asked a lot, “Who are some of your favorite comedians?”
Truthfully, I am not a student of comedy as I watch so very little of it. The great writers of yesteryear have been overtaken by the ranters and over-animators of performance comedy.
There are comedians who take off their shirts, there are ones that use puppets, and others that hop around the stage to make people laugh. I have no problem with the fact that everyone has different tastes; I just prefer jokes.
Truthfully though, the writing that makes me laugh the most these days is not intentional humor. Thanks to social media and the fact that one can now post whatever is on their mind without editing is humorous in itself, especially for those that are lacking in the sphere of what we call intelligent communication.
And it is never more apparent in any format as it is on the yard sale pages on social media. I can’t help but want to laugh at some of the ads, and some that aren’t ads.
As I am moving into an apartment in a few weeks, I am in the market for furniture and so I have been combing these sites for a good deal because there are some great deals out there. But little did I know that there is such a combination of great humor and communicative misery that comes along with them as well. Let’s take a quick tour of some of the actual ads that I came across on these sites, shall we?
“2004 Pontiac Montana. Car is loaded with brand new CD/DVD/TV. Sliding door, new brakes, and steering wheel. AC doesn’t work and estimate to fix is $250.” Wait a second, this car has a steering wheel? Wow, that is loaded. I was going to dismiss this vehicle at first, but now I’m interested. And who in their right mind pays to install a DVD/TV when the air conditioning doesn’t work?
But I will give the seller this much; at least he is trying to sell something. Let’s move on to this winner.
“If you were the driver of a green Kia this morning over by the Dollar General, thanks for being rude and cutting me off.”
Let’s all make it a point from now on to respond to these. To this one, I replied, “Yeah, they caught that guy and he is now at the police station. They want to know if you would like to press charges. This would be his third strike and will spend the rest of his life in jail.”
“Electric Toothbrush — Brand New, Only Used Twice. Paid $85, Asking $62. Firm”
Before we all make a face of disgust and question if the seller knows the definition of the phrase “Brand New,” we shouldn’t discount the genius that comes with being able to pinpoint an $11.50 depreciation per use. There must be a reason for it. And be sure on your next visit to let your dental hygienist know you purchased a used electric toothbrush online. Disclosure is everything with these people.
And my favorite ad on a yard sales site goes to (Drum roll please)...
“Weather Channel Says 70% chance of rain tonight. Does anyone know for sure if it is going to rain or not?”
How does one answer that? “Yes, I am God and it will rain. So how would you like to buy a brand new rain jacket only worn a few times with holes in it and an umbrella which can be used to keep you from getting wet?”
There are some others we can mention like pet adoption ads that always lead to arguments and the listings where something is for sale and somehow leads into a political argument. The biggest political argument I ever saw online stemmed from an ad for a used Whirlpool Dishwasher. Four hundred and fifty-seven comments and this poor guy was just trying to sell an appliance.
So, look for my new hats for sale, Make Yard Sales Pages Legitimate Again. As for me, I’m still trying to find a bedroom set but in my search, at least there is a forecasted 70% chance I will get a good laugh or two.
Comedy returns to the Abbeville Opera House on Aug. 6 with the hilarious Shaun Jones. You’ve seen him in Ace Ventura, and on Comedy Central and BET. Now, he returns for his encore performance in Abbeville. Come see why so many asked for him to come back for another show. Special guest Jason Allen King. Get your tickets now at abbevillecitysc.com.