Yesterday, I received a voicemail that I get frequently. It was my mother and the message left, sounding like she was almost in tears, “Please call me right away” and then click, that is the end of it.
Should I be worried? Of course not.
I know my mom well enough to know that this could mean one of a few things. It could be that her favorite restaurant could be closing, the store was out of her discounted bargain brand soda, or that her cellphone isn’t working properly. I checked the calendar and it had been 18 months since I bought her a cellphone so I bet twenty bucks in Vegas on cellphone.
My parents are aging and I am not dealing well with it. Plus she called me during the football game as I was watching Tom Brady break the record for yards passing. I did call her in case it was an emergency although I know from history that the more severe tone in her voice, the less important it was.
“Sorry I didn’t pick up. I am watching the GOAT break yet another record in the football game.” I forgot momentarily who I was talking to when my mom’s response was “Very funny, goats don’t play football. Or is that the team name?” Yes, mom, the Tampa Bay Goats are amazing. You should see the game against the New England Emus. It’s quite the game.
“Well, I had to call you to tell you that my cellphone is having problems. I think I need a new one.” Vegas owes me twenty. When I asked what was wrong as I can hear her just fine, she said that a friend called her and said that her voicemail is full and can not receive any more messages.
Note that I have explained to her several times how to clear her messages and that it isn’t a phone issue, it is going into the voicemail button and clearing them out. Albert Brooks, can you hear me now?
In case you don’t understand the Albert Brooks reference, I strongly suggest my favorite movie of all time, “Mother.” It stars Albert Brooks who moves in with his aging mom, played brilliantly by the late Debbie Reynolds. Anyone who has had to deal with aging parents will laugh like you’ve never laughed before and also feel empathy for the relationship between aging mom and son.
“Mom, I will clear your voicemail for you. I will be in Florida next week.” Yes, I will be seeing my parents next week. I will be entering the world of endless guilt of my decision to become an entertainer rather than a lawyer or doctor, my parents’ addiction to reality shows, and my mother yelling at my stepfather to slow down when he is driving fifteen miles an hour under the speed limit.
Prayers are appreciated.
Now, you are probably thinking, “Isn’t your mom going to read this?” Well, she would if she could figure out how to read it online with the password I gave her. Trust me, I’m golden. Stevie Wonder will read it before she does.
Wow, when was the last time you heard a Stevie Wonder reference? Exactly, so spare me the “too soon” response. “I Just Called To Say I Love You” was released a long time ago, and if written today would be “I Would’ve Called If I knew how to use this phone.”
Albert Brooks who wrote, directed, and starred in “Mother” got all the quirks of elderly parents exactly right. If you haven’t seen it, please stop what you are doing and rent it on whatever movie app you use at home.
It is hilariously funny. If you need to google your closest video store to find it, this movie may hit too close to home and you might not want to watch it. Blockbuster Video isn’t a thing anymore and your VHS player probably isn’t working anymore anyways.
“Hi Michael, this is your mother. My VHS player isn’t working anymore and I think I need a new one. Beta-Max worked so much better.”
Again, prayers appreciated.
Don’t forget to check out the lineup at the Abbeville Opera House. So many great shows are coming to the newly renovated theater, so check out the full lineup at abbevillecitysc.com.