Mother of two Ellison Poston Rowe didn’t know until recently that National Infertility Awareness Week “was a thing.”
Typically observed the last full week of April, National Infertility Awareness Week works to remove barriers and stigmas faced by those challenged to start a family. It is recognized before Mother’s Day in May.
Ellison, 34, of Greenwood, is a registered nurse who works in wound/ostomy care with Self Regional Healthcare. She is married to Ninety Six High School agriculture teacher Henderson Rowe, 35, and they are parents of a 10-month-old son, Poston, and a daughter, Linzie, who turns 3 in November.
In a social media post, Ellison recently shared, “Simply wanting to start a family and love a child becomes so much more when things don’t work like they are supposed to. And, I hate that so many others have been right where we were, because I wouldn’t wish it on a single soul. But, at the same time, here are some words that I never thought would leave my mouth: thank you, Lord, for my infertility.”
Ellison said she wants others facing infertility to know they are not alone.
“When I was going through infertility, it was a lot to take on,” Ellison recalls. “I talked to my pastor (Tony Hopkins, now retired from First Baptist Church of Greenwood) a lot. He told me that we often unconsciously just think we will get married and have kids. You make plans, but when things don’t go that way, for a long time, you kind of have to grieve the way you thought your life was going to go. He told me that.”
Ellison said she had to grieve the fact that her body could not carry a baby.
For Ellison and Henderson, building a family took a different turn.
“It ended up being better than I ever thought,” Ellison said. “Our two children are adopted and they share the same birth mom. It is such a blessing that they get to grow up together. Family, friends and faith get you through.”
Ellison said her infertility journey was five years. First meeting with her regular obstetrician-gynecologist and later being referred to out-of-town specialists in Augusta, Georgia. Ellison underwent courses of treatment such as medications to help with ovulation, intrauterine insemination and in vitro fertilization. When those didn’t work, the couple met with Lakelands area families “through word of mouth” who have adopted to find out about that process.
“And, a beloved aunt who adopted was an encourager, too,” Ellison said.
“To start the process, you have to complete a home study, which is like a huge background check,” she said.
Adoption is different for every couple, Ellison said, noting she and Henderson worked with a Greenville attorney, Ray Godwin, and their children’s adoptions have been what’s considered open, as opposed to closed or confidential.
“Years ago, open adoptions were not as common,” Ellison said. “You might not have even known the birth mom. ...But, in our case, things have been open. Linzie was born in 2020. We found out when her birth mom was about two weeks away from her due date. We found out about Poston when the birth mom was about six weeks from delivery and Linzie was 17 months old.”
Ellison said the birth mom has multiple children and has coped with various traumas.
“To me, Linzie was still a baby to me,” Ellison said. “It wasn’t on our radar to adopt another child then, but it was the way it was supposed to be. I’m really thankful the birth mom felt comfortable enough with us and adoption to have these babies together. Only God could orchestrate that, but the adoption agency did the legwork. Their birth mom chose me to be a mom. I’m thankful for the trust she put in me.”
After years of wanting a baby, getting to see Linzie for the first time was extremely emotional, Ellison said.
“I couldn’t get my hands on her fast enough,” she said. “And, then getting to see Poston come into the world was amazing. Even in clinicals as a student nurse, I never saw a baby being born. Poston is the first baby I got to see come into the world. That blew my mind. That made me think, ‘Lord, maybe you knew what you were doing with me.’ Labor was intense.”
Ellison said she and Henderson are thankful that adoption was financially viable for them.
“I know a lot of people aren’t in that situation,” Ellison said. “It’s very expensive on the front end. I hate that that’s a barrier for a lot of people.”
In the Lakelands, two attorneys with experience in family law and adoption are Brad W. Knott and Thomas P. Austin, both of Greenwood.
Knott said it’s not uncommon for Lakelands adoption costs to range between $3,000 and $5,000, but fees and costs associated with adoption can also include those covering guardians ad litem, as well as other attorneys who might witness consents and relinquishments pertaining to one’s case.
“Fortunately, I have not had it happen often that a birth mother changes plans before placement or finalization,” Knott wrote the Index-Journal via email. “You breathe a sight of relief at each step (of adoption). When the baby is born, when the mother signs a consent and relinquishment for adoption and, of course, when you walk out of family court with the adoption being granted.”
Austin’s first experiences with adoption came when he served as a guardian ad litem, a court-appointed person representing a child’s best interests during a parenting or child-related case.
“You work from there representing families for termination of parental rights and adoptions,” he wrote to the Index-Journal via email. “Look for an attorney with a lot of family court experience.”
Austin said natural parents might consent to adoption and relinquish parental rights, but not all do. Sometimes, natural parents contest the matter. In that instance, a mediator might be part of adoption proceedings and this can add to costs.
He said, in addition to adoption, potential parents can also train to become foster-adopt parents.
“It’s a wonderful thing for people to step up when a natural parent is unwilling or unable to be a parent,” Austin wrote. “Foster parents go all in and take the responsibility for and obligations associated with raising a child.”
Ellison said she was worried, at first, about bonding with babies who don’t share her and Henderson’s DNA.
“But, it feels natural,” she said. “We got Linzie the day she was born, but we couldn’t be in the delivery room at the time because of restrictions during COVID. For Poston, Henderson and I both got to be in the delivery room. That was just a sweet surprise. We don’t think about the fact that they are adopted until somebody says something about it.
“I already talk with Linzie about the fact that she’s adopted, but she doesn’t completely understand yet,” Ellison said. “We want it to be something that she and Poston know. Linzie and Poston both have their birth mom’s beautiful blue eyes. Seeing everything in the world through our kids’ eyes is amazing.”