Well, it appears Matt Hensley and I are both on a roll.
Apparently he and I, despite being separated by a lake and not having frequent visits within the newsroom at the I-J, are equally fascinated with the end of times. Er, I mean the end of rolls. Toilet paper rolls, to be more specific.
A few weeks back, Wendy and I ventured to Costco in Greenville for what was supposed to be a normal day of bulk purchasing. No 100-pound bags of rice or 40-gallon cans of baked beans needed in this house of two, but Costco does afford us the chance to do what my Depression-era grandfather taught me: buy as if gas is still rationed and sheep are your lawnmowers.
OK, no sheep at our house, but we did load up on paper towels, facial tissue and toilet paper. Mind you, none of this was in preparation for COVID-19. It was, as I said, a normal shopping excursion that included a few other items. Well, except for the 75-inch diagonal smart TV Wendy said we did not need. Oh, and it did not include one thing I suggested, but which she said we had plenty of at the time. Hindsight being what it is, that bulk pack of six or 12 disinfectant wipes would have been a wise purchase.
Anyway, based on Matt's Google University research — he has a master's, by the way — and our own experience, I've decided to further economize on the bulk buy. I was inspired by a funny email sent my way. "I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on 'Wheel of Fortune,'" it said. "Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe."
So I've taken to rationing the TP at home. I wish we'd bought 3-ply, but that's bad on the sewer system. If we had, though, I could peel the layers and allocate 5 squares of 1-ply for the No. 1 duty, 12 squares of 2 ply for the No. 2.
Sure hope we can get back to Costco, safely, before the last roll is called up yonder.