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When the roll is called up yonder

tp roll

Uh-oh. Hard to get much more out of this roll at home. Wonder if the cardboard tube can be soaked, softened and put to use.

Well, it appears Matt Hensley and I are both on a roll.

Apparently he and I, despite being separated by a lake and not having frequent visits within the newsroom at the I-J, are equally fascinated with the end of times. Er, I mean the end of rolls. Toilet paper rolls, to be more specific.

A few weeks back, Wendy and I ventured to Costco in Greenville for what was supposed to be a normal day of bulk purchasing. No 100-pound bags of rice or 40-gallon cans of baked beans needed in this house of two, but Costco does afford us the chance to do what my Depression-era grandfather taught me: buy as if gas is still rationed and sheep are your lawnmowers.

OK, no sheep at our house, but we did load up on paper towels, facial tissue and toilet paper. Mind you, none of this was in preparation for COVID-19. It was, as I said, a normal shopping excursion that included a few other items. Well, except for the 75-inch diagonal smart TV Wendy said we did not need. Oh, and it did not include one thing I suggested, but which she said we had plenty of at the time. Hindsight being what it is, that bulk pack of six or 12 disinfectant wipes would have been a wise purchase.

Anyway, based on Matt's Google University research — he has a master's, by the way — and our own experience, I've decided to further economize on the bulk buy. I was inspired by a funny email sent my way. "I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on 'Wheel of Fortune,'" it said. "Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe."

Indeed.

So I've taken to rationing the TP at home. I wish we'd bought 3-ply, but that's bad on the sewer system. If we had, though, I could peel the layers and allocate 5 squares of 1-ply for the No. 1 duty, 12 squares of 2 ply for the No. 2.

Sure hope we can get back to Costco, safely, before the last roll is called up yonder.

Whiting is executive editor of the Index-Journal. Contact him at rwhiting@indexjournal.com, or follow him on Twitter @IJEDITOR. 

About this blog

From telecommuting to the new public home school model, a growing number of us are homebound for the foreseeable future as we take unprecedented steps to slow and hopefully stop the spread of the new coronavirus that is sweeping the world. This blog is our attempt to catalog some of the daily changes we are experiencing together. If you want to share your story with us, email us at newsroom@indexjournal.com.

COVID-19

LATEST DEVELOPMENTS

On Sunday, the Palmetto State recorded its highest number of new COVID-19 cases in nearly two months as the nation is seeing its highest number of daily new cases.

State health officials reported 628 new confirmed cases and 57 new probable cases of the novel coronavirus on Saturday, as well as 14 additional confirmed deaths and two new probable deaths.

State health officials reported 784 new confirmed cases and 83 new probable cases of the novel coronavirus on Friday, as well as 18 additional confirmed deaths and 5 new probable deaths.

State health officials reported 921 new confirmed cases and 79 new probable cases of the novel coronavirus on Thursday, as well as 40 additional confirmed deaths and 10 new probable deaths.

State health officials reported 686 new confirmed cases and 86 new probable cases of the novel coronavirus on Wednesday, along with 11 additional confirmed deaths and 1 new probable death.

State health officials reported 666 new confirmed cases and 66 new probable cases of the novel coronavirus on Tuesday, along with 25 additional confirmed deaths and 10 new probable deaths.