August marks year 21 living in Greenwood and working at the I-J, and in all that time not once did I receive a summons for jury duty. Until a few weeks ago, that is.
The official mailing included detailed instructions and the threat of being drawn and quartered, body parts scattered in the county's four corners, or something like that if I did not report for duty. It arrived just as COVID-19 was making its grand entrance into the Palmetto State.
Believing it to be my civic duty, however, I held onto the papers and put a reminder in my phone to call the courthouse after 6 p.m. Friday to get my instructions for reporting today (April 20). Yes, even though I knew lawyers, judges, clerks and jurors alike were issued a reprieve.
Hey, for all I know Chastity Copeland has some sophisticated equipment down there and would be able to ascertain whether people do actually place that phone call. Imagine the embarrassment if Sheriff Dennis Kelly had to send a deputy out to my home to haul me in for failure to report for jury duty, even though court is not in session. Of course, it would have made for a good Arlo Guthrie song.
At any rate, the friendly voice recording on the other end let me know that I was off the hook. No jury duty this week. Or next.
So much for my dream of serving as jury foreman.