There comes a time when you have to ask, “How much is too much?” Even when it comes to pillows.
Hold on a second, I’ll explain.
If you’ve followed this column for any length of time, you’ve likely become at least somewhat familiar with my wife, Christina, a frequent and recurring character in these Sunday missives. We’ve been “keeping company” for quite a while now (we’ll celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary later this month, and, counting dating, we’ve been together 23 years in total), and I love her more today than I ever have before. She’s quick-witted and bold, a caring mother to our daughter, and an ascendant businesswoman. She’s the real deal.
But she does add some interesting collections to our home.
For instance, I’ve written before about the eye-popping number of shampoo/conditioner/body wash/soap/whatever bottles she has in the shower. Frankly, it’s incredible. I counted them up one morning last week. There were 14 different bottles in there, all, I presume, with a different purpose. I think she visited the soap/shower section at Target and just went down the aisle and got one of everything.
Meanwhile, I have a grand total of one bottle in the shower. It’s body wash, shampoo and conditioner all in a single product. It also can serve as a 10W-30 motor oil, and I think you can use it to strip hardwood floors. It actually glows, sort of like that ooze that turned regular turtles into the Ninja Turtles.
But the proliferation of bottles in my wife’s shower has been long acknowledged in this column. What hasn’t been documented, and what I haven’t really taken much notice of until recently, is the borderline astonishing number of pillows she’s selected for our bed.
Now, I’m all in on the idea of a good pillow. Like many folks, I like a nice, plump pillow upon which to rest my head at night. There’s nothing worse staying at a hotel that has those thin, loose pillows where your head sinks straight to the mattress. So, yes, I prefer a pillow that’s good and fluffy. But here’s the thing: I only need one. I’m guessing you also use one, maybe two if you are feeling luxurious.
Y’all, we currently have 11 pillows on our bed.
This has been the case for a while, but I took more notice of it one night last week when I walked in and noticed that a Christmas pillow had been added to the mix. That’s when I counted them up: two “regular” pillows (the ones we actually sleep on); two “long” pillows (not
sure what else to call them; if you needed to dispose of a body, you could toss them in these long pillow cases); three big, fat, square pillows; three smaller throw pillows; and the aforementioned holiday pillow.
I’m being 100 percent sincere when I tell you that, once the bed is made and all of these pillows are put in place, they take up approximately 75 percent of the surface area of our king size bed. If we added two or three more, we could cover the entire bed, from one end to the other, in pillows.
When it’s time to turn in at night, we have to work in shifts to get most of these pillows off and piled onto the floor around the bed. Soon we’ll need an assembly line of laborers, passing pillows down the way to one another, to get everything handled. There are more pillows in our room than at Bed Bath & Beyond.
When it comes to shampoo and soap — and, apparently, pillows — I guess it’s important to have (a lot) of options.