Every year around this time, the Academy Awards comes up and as I don’t ever go to the movies, I haven’t heard of most of the films that are nominated. And every year, they seem to add award categories that make one wonder how they fill such a specific genre with enough nominees.
“And the award for Best Animated Documentary Short About a Sloth Who Is Found Crossing Fargo, North Dakota In Thirty-Nine Degree Weather In Efforts To Escape An Anti-Sloth Motorcycle Gang goes to….”
Amongst the many awards that films can take the title home for is “Best Editing.” I always wonder how they come up with a winner. The Academy is voting for a film based on what is taken out of the film; how on Earth can they judge unless they see everything that gets removed on the cutting room floor?
In 1994, the film Titanic won best editing. How? What did they edit? The movie was longer than the boat ride when Christopher Columbus discovered America. Did they take out the part where Leonardo Dicaprio takes a side excursion to go swimming with the dolphins while the private island steel drum band plays "Hot, Hot, Hot?" If so, well, then bravo.
I am not sure exactly what is involved in editing, but I can tell you this. Some of the commercials on television and social media need editing. Many of them would win the award for “Worst Editing.”
I was flipping channels about a year ago when I came across a television commercial in which the spokesperson uttered the lines, “Having trouble with your vision? Call the number on your screen.” You can’t make this up, folks. How did not one person on the editing floor catch on to the fact that people with bad vision can’t see the screen?
I thought that would be forever the most moronic advertisement ever. That would live in infamy and I’m sure the company is still wondering why displaying the number on the screen didn’t increase business and was advertising money wasted. Well, that was until this past Wednesday.
I received one of those Facebook ads and it read, “Most people don’t start shopping for burial insurance until it’s too late.”
When it’s too late? Correct me if I’m wrong but, oh well, never mind.
I guess Leonardo Dicaprio should have shopped for burial insurance at the beginning of Titanic. I am sure that when Leo gave up his chance of survival at the end of the movie, his final thoughts were, man I wished I had life insurance.
A good editor would’ve caught on to this.
As a stand-up comedian, I wish I had an editor. I need someone to read over my jokes, take out the ones that aren’t stage-worthy and make sure my jokes that are kept in my act are the ones that avoid the metaphorical iceberg. And maybe Celine Dion will write a song titled “My Jokes Will Go On.”
Yes, it could happen. And my routine could win awards for best editing. I’m picturing it now. I would go on stage to accept my award by giving a long, drawn-out speech about thanking God, my management and ending it with one of those terrible Hollywood political speeches that wastes everyone’s time. Yes, it will be mine; it will all be mine.
So, to whatever film wins the award this year for Best Editing, congratulations. To the non-existence of footage that was chopped out, good riddance. And to those of you who watch the Academy Awards, enjoy.
And if you have any trouble viewing the Awards show, call the number on your screen.
Don’t forget that “The Funniest Man in America” James Gregory is coming to the Abbeville Opera House on April 22 and 23. Very few tickets remain so get your tickets now at abbevillecitysc.com.