It is so much easier to see our good points than our faults. I have many faults, and some of them haunt me. I rarely share personal information about myself, but one of my biggest faults is I tend to run away from my problems rather than hit them head on. Yup, it’s true.

There, now you know a little more about Mike Elis. Now, I will tell you one of my good points.

I have always been able to see both sides of an argument or idea. I almost never get involved in political arguments, accept all religious views that are non-violent and I’ve made peace with the fact there are people out there that actually like the taste of broccoli.

Yes, this is the third column where I have stated my dislike for broccoli. And while I’m at it, I think s’mores are a very overrated dessert. Now, let’s move on, shall we?

Little did I know that there are people out there that believe that the earth is flat. “Flat-earthers” do not believe what science has taught us all along, and stand behind the idea that we are all on the same flat plain, literally. One of their believers on social media even went on to say that people who believe the earth is round are “the dumbest people on the globe.”

He actually said “globe.” OK class, what shape is a globe? Exactly. In doing some research, there was a study done in 2018 finding that 2% of all Americans believe that the earth is flat. Breaking down the calculation, this means that approximately 500 people in Abbeville County believe in this theory; that is, of course, assuming that the county falls in line with the rest of the country.

In further study, I found that the belief in a flat earth stems from a strong distrust in the government and the education system. Yes, those teachers have a large stake in passing us false information. I seriously am not sure why I ever sent my kids to school in the first place as educators only have one purpose and that is to pump my kids full of insane subject matter such as ROY G BIV and Pretty Please, My Dear Aunt Sally.

And on top of that, professional wrestling is real, the moon-landing was fake and next week aliens are going to steal frozen burritos from my freezer. Also, to keep in mind, the most flat-earthers in this country come from two states where a certain herb is legal. I am in no way implying that this mind-altering plant has anything to do with the thought process, but I just find it interesting and worth mentioning.

It is fact that the United States leads the world, flat or round, in flat-earth believers; however, the Flat Earth Society was founded in England. That’s right folks, the country that drives on the wrong side of the road is also responsible for this movement. How apropos. To be fair though, this theory dates back to Homer, author of the “Iliad” and “The Odyssey,” who first publicly challenged the well-rounded thought process.

I am in no way questioning the intelligence nor am I discounting those that believe that we are all just pieces on planet Earth, the flat checkerboard of the solar system. Again, I did not realize the number of people that believe in this unscientific logic was that large. I am personally fine with it as it does not affect me in any way, shape, or form.

Now, if you will excuse me. Tomorrow, I start my trek to find the end of the earth. Unfortunately, Allegiant Air doesn’t fly there so this might be a long and expensive trip. I will be back in hopefully two weeks with more information unless the aliens that the Scientologists told me about kidnap me and take my soul.

And if so, I am guessing I will be forced to watch 24-hour, non-stop cinema of Tom Cruise and John Travolta films. Just please, no “Days of Thunder” or “Wild Hogs.” I just can’t sit through that kind of torture again on the round screen.

Mike Elis is a comic emcee and music and comedy promoter. He is the director of entertainment production and marketing for the Abbeville Opera House.