So, this is going to be yet another year where we bring our differences to the forefront. Words will be exchanged, sides will be drawn, and Facebook friends will be lost.
“It is so easy to get caught up in this mess of arguing. I wish that, as Americans, we can find a happy place in the middle, and not take offense to one another’s differences in the matter,” says Joe, 54, a speaker in Washington, D.C.
Of course, you all know what we are talking about, so let’s just get it out in the open. After at least four years of social media debate, the question still remains, “Does pineapple belong on pizza?”
Joe’s quote rings so close and personal to him as he is the manager/speaker of Domino’s Pizza in the heart of D.C. When Joe was asked about the recent outbreak of violence in the streets of Italy over this matter, Joe claims, “It is fake news. It’s all just a witch hunt aimed at those trying to make a difference and pave the way for generations of future pineapples.”
Joe went on to say that nobody puts chunks of pineapple on pizza the way he puts chunks of pineapple on pizza.
It’s a tough choice. Many Americans feel they should not only be allowed pineapple on pizza, but entitled to free pineapple on that pizza. Other Americans feel that no one should be entitled to pineapple, and possibly it just doesn’t fit right in the current circular pie infrastructure.
The approval rating for this fruity topping seems to fluctuate depending on what source you read. Although many have debated strongly, especially on social media, one source was quoted as saying, “Well, we aren’t changing anyone’s mind. This is America, and we need to accept the fact that some feel quite strongly one way or the other. Can’t we peacefully agree to disagree?”
I’m fine with it. My issue is if someone wants double pineapple. That may be a little excessive. I do think there needs to be a law for pineapple control. I mean, let’s face it; How much pineapple does one pizza lover need, and is it just to protect his/her rights as a consumer?
We have made several attempts to reach the one politician who can clear this up, and although biased, can give his feelings regarding pineapple on pizza. But Bob Dole was unavailable for comment.
What makes this debate even more challenging is that according to Google, 54% of all Americans say pineapple doesn’t belong in pizza, although 28 of the 50 states have no problem with it. This sparks the debate of popular vote versus electoral college of pizza voters.
Unless something changes, the voters have spoken. That is the current system in place, and the words “college” and “pizza” go hand in hand. So, it is settled. Pineapple wins and will remain on pizza.
If this is not the way you voted, we ask that you please not block city roads, destroy any property, or take frustrations out on the innocent pineapples.