Taste the rainbow on the roadways
Saturday, March 30, 2013 8:00 PM
It probably doesn't come as a surprise, but I can be a bit forgetful at times.
As such, I would like to extend thanks to several motorists here in lovely Greenwood for helping me remember something important this week.
As I'm sure you are abundantly aware, today is Easter. While this is primarily a day in which we celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, it's also a day when many youngsters wake up and find they have been visited by the Easter Bunny, who, undoubtedly, has brought them a basket filled with delicious candy.
And that's where, last week, some of our local motorists came into play in jogging my memory.
On Wednesday, I was headed to Triangle Hardware to buy several bales of pine straw. (I think I purchased about $15,000 in pine straw from Triangle this week. OK, maybe that number's a bit high. Still, they should have just left the straw truck in my driveway.)
As I got near East Cambridge Avenue, I saw a rainbow on four wheels rolling down the street. It appeared to be a Ford sedan and the majority of the vehicle was painted electric blue, though there were other colors incorporated. Painted down the side of the car were the words "Jolly Ranchers."
Yes, the vehicle's paint job was a commemoration of that famed sour hard candy, Jolly Ranchers. When I was in eighth grade, approximately 127 years ago, I used to eat green apple Jolly Ranchers all the time.
"Hmm," I thought to myself. "Jolly Ranchers. Jolly Ranchers are pretty good. That reminds me of something, but I can't quite put my finger on it."
After making it to Triangle and securing my latest truckload of pine straw, I headed back down East Cambridge toward my house. While stopped at a red light near Cokesbury Street, another sedan pulled up beside me.
This one was painted a bright shade of red, with little bits of candy and depicted on the side, along with the word "Skittles." Yes, a Skittles car.
Basically my drive to the hardware store was something akin to walking down the fruity candy aisle at your neighborhood market. There were candy cars everywhere.
However, upon seeing the Skittles car - just a short while after spotting the Jolly Ranchers car - I was fully reminded of something I needed to do: Get candy for my daughter's Easter basket.
(For any youngsters who might be reading this, I've got a deal worked out with the Easter Bunny where I buy the candy and give it to him and then he gives it to my daughter. He pays me back later for the candy. Yeah, that's it. Trust me on this one.)I'M SURE SOME OF YOU have probably spotted the aforementioned "candy" cars around town. In fact, I've seen several other cars in the local area with elaborate paint jobs depicting products or characters. I've seen a Pac-Man car, a Spongebob car, a Reese's Cup car.
I've got no problem with folks painting whatever they want on the side of their cars. In fact, I think it's pretty cool.
Heck, I'd like to get in on the action, but I don't think it's going to happen.
I recently tried to convince my wife to let me paint my Ford Explorer purple and gold, the colors of my favorite hoops team, the Los Angeles Lakers. I told her I would have the Lakers' logo painted on the hood, with an image of Kobe Bryant painted on the driver's side and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar painted on the passenger's side. To top it off, I suggested to her I would get a vanity plate with the word "SIXTEEN," signifying the number of championships the Lakers have won.
As you might imagine, my wife wasn't too keen on the idea. In fact, when I told her the idea, she simply glared at me for a few moments, then calmly reached in a kitchen drawer and produced divorce papers. Message received.
This was troubling, on a couple of fronts. First, who keeps divorce papers in a kitchen drawer? Second, I really wanted my Lakers car.
Executive editor Richard S. Whiting is celebrating his 55th birthday today. I suggested he might want to give himself a birthday present and get one of these elaborate paint jobs on his little sports car, which is affectionately known around the office as the Mid-Life-Crisismobile.
But what company logo should he get painted on the car?
Perhaps Viagra? No, then he would have to call the doctor if he took a road trip longer than four hours.
What about iPhone? He does love his Apple products. No, that won't work either. Hard to convince the police you weren't texting while driving when you're operating a damn iPhone car.
I've got it: A Freedom of Information Act paint job. He could have the entire FOIA law painted right there on his car. Oh, he would love it.
That way, every time he rides by someone - District 50's Darrell Johnson, county manager Toby Chappell, the person known as "Diamond" who dances on Phoenix Street - he will have officially FOIA'd them. They would then have 15 business days to respond with their own auto paint job claiming Richard's paint job is an invasion of privacy.
I think I've been eating too many Jolly Ranchers. Happy Easter, y'all.
Trainor is the senior staff writer at the Index-Journal. Contact him at 943-5650; email firstname.lastname@example.org. You can follow him on Twitter @IJCHRISTRAINOR. Views expressed in this column are those of the writer only and do not represent the newspaper's opinion.